A Northwest woman who says she’s been with her husband for 20 years is wrestling with resurfacing feelings for an ex-boyfriend, even as she continues to work through her husband’s infidelity early in their relationship.
In a letter to advice columnist Dear Abby, the 39-year-old, who signed as “Wondering in the Northwest,” wrote that she and her husband got together young and now have two nearly grown children. She said she mostly moved past the cheating and considers their life together solid.
But over the past 18 months, several ex-boyfriends have tracked her down despite her stepping away from social media and job-search websites. One in particular has stuck in her thoughts. About a year ago, the two connected by phone, though she says nothing happened in person. She told him she could no longer talk to him, but he later found her again through a mutual friend, and she says she can’t shake thinking about him.
The letter writer also noted that she has only ever slept with her husband, while he has been with many women, and she said she feels like she missed out on something because of it.
“Don’t risk your solid relationship on a what-if,” Abby responded. “Your husband’s decades-old indiscretions are not an excuse to cheat on him now.”
Abby advised the woman to let go of the past infidelity completely rather than only partly moving on, to block the ex-boyfriend, and to ask friends to stop sharing her contact information without permission. She also suggested the couple consider working with a licensed counselor, together or separately, if they want to reconnect emotionally.
A second letter, about overnight guests
In a separate letter, a person signing as “Mixed Up in Arizona” described hosting longtime friends who confirmed plans a week ahead to arrive in the afternoon, have dinner and stay the night. Two hours before arrival, the guests called to say they were busy and asked to push dinner to 10:30 p.m., proposing to spend the entire next day visiting instead.
The hosts, who said they normally go to bed around 10 p.m., adjusted by serving appetizers and dessert when the guests arrived near 11 p.m., then went to bed at midnight after settling them into the guest room. The next morning, the hosts reminded their guests they needed to leave by 10 a.m. for an existing commitment and offered coffee and pastries beforehand. The guests said they preferred to sleep until nearly noon and seemed annoyed that their hosts wouldn’t rearrange their schedule.
Abby told the letter writer she would have handled it the same way, and advised against hosting the couple again.
