A retired executive chef in Texas wrote to the advice column Dear Abby asking how he might convince his adult son, also a former executive chef, to seek treatment for alcoholism after years of strained family relationships.
The man, who signed his letter “Anguished Dad in Texas,” described his son as a “mean alcoholic” who stays drunk outside of work hours and says cruel things to family members. He said his son’s older sister has cut off contact entirely because of hurtful comments made about her and her family. The younger sister still speaks with her brother, though she is also on the receiving end of his unkindness, according to the letter.
The father said his son calls him while drunk to talk about cooking, a subject he claims to hate, and doesn’t listen when his father tries to respond. He connected some of his son’s behavior to grief, noting that the boy’s mother died three years ago and had been especially close to him.
“I love my son very much but can’t talk with him anymore as it upsets me for days after. How can I get him to seek counseling?” the father wrote.
He added that his son admits he has a drinking problem but has chosen not to address it, and asked what the family could do to help.
In her published response, Abigail Van Buren — who writes under the Dear Abby name — told the father he cannot force his son to confront his addiction. She said that until he faces the full consequences of his drinking, he is unlikely to change.
“I hope you will consider visiting some Al-Anon meetings,” Van Buren wrote, directing him to al-anon.org/info for local listings.
She noted that Al-Anon meetings are widely available and bring together parents, spouses, siblings and friends of people struggling with alcohol who are working through similar situations.
The Dear Abby column, now written by Jeanne Phillips under the pen name established by her mother Pauline Phillips in 1956, also answered a separate letter in the same installment from a woman married 26 years who suspected her husband was hiding something after he reacted defensively to her asking to look through his computer. Van Buren advised the woman to avoid confronting her husband directly and instead suggest couples therapy, focusing first on communication before raising trust concerns.
